Excerpts from “Delicate Eyes”
It’s May 27 and Children’s Day as we all know it to be. And as much as I love that kids be celebrated today, I love to remind parents of how delicate our children are and how a flaw in their childhood can mar them for life.
Here’s an excerpt from my book I look forward to finishing.
Read, critique, learn.
August 2001.
Daddy wasn’t home. Chinonye and David, her siblings had accompanied him to go see Grandma. She’d wanted to tag along but suddenly changed her mind because she didn’t feel like it anymore. Daddy had glared at her, revealing nothing but disappointment. Yet, she remained unperturbed because she’d be home with mummy who doted on her. Daddy was proving too difficult these days as everything remained about the rules with him.
Chizara! Don't play that way. If you still behave like a child, what do you expect of your younger ones?
Chizara! Don't chew that way. You're going to grow into an unmannered woman!
Chizara! Chizara!! Chizara!!!
What was it about her that irked him so much? Didn’t she look like mummy as he’d always say whenever he was nicer? So why didn’t he love her as much as he loved mummy? Today, just like every other day, she ran to mummy with brimming tears so she could tell her how daddy had hurt her.
"Are you sure he loves me?" She questioned with doubts.
"More than you think. He's only a strict man!" Mummy said.
“But Nono”—as she fondly called her sister— "and David are closer to daddy," She persisted.
Mummy smiled, brought her close, and held her tight until she could perceive her lavender scent. "You're just a quiet child. You rarely go close to your father and when you do, you act frightened. I wish you'd never doubt his love." She lamented.
But they all fell on deaf ears. Mummy didn't know she had archives she saved in the chambers of her heart. No one could access them without her permission.
Once, she’d gone looking for Daddy. Unknown to her, he was studying and didn’t like being interrupted. She hadn’t known it was the wrong time and her innocent mind had told her she needed to be cuddled. Mummy was busy in the kitchen and besides, she couldn’t stand the heat. So she’d crept to Daddy’s room and was devastated to find it vacant. Her intuition suggested to her he might be at his study and when she eventually found him, she was glad he was alone. Chinonye and David were gratefully absent. So she’d heeded the same voice and had sprung upon him without warning. Anticipating that he’d smile back and playfully warn her not to get sneaky again, her tender heart wasn’t prepared for the startling voice that rebuked her immediately after she was discovered
"What are you doing here? Who let you in?" He barked.
No answer.
"Are you deaf?" He asked as he shook her violently until she cried.
"I'm sorry, daddy," she apologized. The heat of his anger threatened to consume her.
Disgusted, he warned. "Don’t ever pull such pranks again! Why aren’t you with your mother anyway?" He asked, not attempting to hide his irritation.
He did not scoop her in his hands as he'd done with David. Neither did he look her lovingly in the eye or touch her cheeks like Chinonye. He only had burning anger and a stern look which sent her scurrying away once he let her go.
He hadn’t called her back so she concluded Daddy loved her less. If not, he wouldn’t detest every time spent with her.
She clung to mummy instead, relishing the comforting warmth that came with the bond they shared.
Chinwe’s throat constricted when her daughter held on to her after her husband had left with the others. Knowing there was more to this, she let Zara hold her as much as she wanted. Zara’s compliance was like no other. She rarely complained and was willing to consume whatever was dished out to her without raising a stir.
She ran her hands through Zara’s hair when it got stuck in her cornrows. Realizing her hair needed to be made, she decided to maximize the free time they had.
"Sweet," she called. "Why don't you wait here so I can get a comb I'd use in making your hair? It's worn already."
Chinwe caught the twinkle in Zara’s eyes as she nodded with glee. She couldn’t fathom why her daughter found this exercise thrilling. At least she’d found what would liven her spirit, and she was grateful for that. As she searched her wardrobe for combs, hair cream, and essential oils, she seized the chance to pray for Zara, especially Dee. She knew he’d been unusually distant from their daughter, and she found it hard to understand. Zara was theirs to raise; she wasn’t just her child. So why did he focus on others and leave Zara to toll along on her own? When she got back to the sitting room, Zara was already seated on a stool, swinging her loving legs merrily as she sang her favourite song. Her voice was a graceful note of purity.
Jesus loves me this I know...For the Bible tells me so...Little ones to Him belong...We are weak, but He is strong...
She didn’t want to disrupt this moment so she paused to watch her sing. Once, she’d taught Zara this song when she was unable to sleep because she claimed she’d have nightmares.
"Why, baby?" She’d asked concerned. She couldn’t discern why Zara would be frightened.
It was after Zara had confided in her with stark terror that she realized it wasn’t her imagination. "I see monsters in my sleep, mummy." She had agonized. "They are always huge and black."
Holding her hands comfortingly as she’d prayed with her, Chinwe assuaged her fears the best way she knew how. She’d told Zara that Jesus loved her so much that He wouldn’t let a monster frighten her. So she’d taught her this song, which Zara readily learned and piped whenever she got frightened. Chinwe only hoped Dee wasn’t its target this time around.
Zara didn’t startle when she tapped her on her shoulders. Instead, she tugged at her dress, pleading she sings along with her.
"But you’re doing fine without me," Chinwe encouraged her, subtly ignoring her request. She made Zara sit on the floor so she could get to work. As her hands worked through Zara’s weave, she asked. "How would you like Mummy to plait your hair?"
"Anything you want," Zara simply replied.
Chinwe shook her head in regret. Zara was usually indecisive. Perhaps, she feared she’d be unable to make the right choice.
"But I want your choice. What do you want, Chizara?" She asked again and was stunned when Zara jerked her head up and asked fascinatingly. "you’d do whatever I ask?
"Of course! As long as mummy can handle it." Chinwe was amused. Did her daughter feel she wouldn't be obliged after making a request?
Zara's hands ready, and her eyes animated, she depicted to her mother what she'd liked about Joy's plait at school. According to her, her hair had been woven so that her cornrows rested on her sweet face. The way Zara had said sweet, Chinwe knew she'd be a very beautiful child. Zara's description was always apt.
Chinwe quickly set to work. She knew just what Zara needed.
